


She Always Comes Back

by MelindaTheCavalryMay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/M, Philinda Secret Summer, Romance, peach by front bottoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4420223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelindaTheCavalryMay/pseuds/MelindaTheCavalryMay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Philinda Secret Summer Exchange of Tumblr for musingsofburnttoast.</p>
<p> Based on the song prompt Peach by Front Bottoms. </p>
<p>Melinda May always comes back to Phil ..... right ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Always Comes Back

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own AoS or Marvel. A huge fan.

She had left. He had pushed her to the limit and she finally left. It’s not that he hadn’t expected this to happen. He had always tested her limits, taken advantage of her loyalty. The last 2 years had been no different; rather things had just gotten worse. She continued to put her faith in him, be with him and support him while he continued to take advantage of this.

 

That’s how their relationship had been, since they became friends, for more than 30 years, which was the way things worked between them, she would always have his back, no matter what and he would continue taking advantage of that. Yes! He had taken Melinda May for granted because he had always believed that no matter what she wouldn’t leave him, she would stay beside him.

 

Now it seems like that is not the case, because Melinda May had, had enough of him and had left.

Though he now wished it had been under different circumstances. Before things had gone awry, when he was still struggling with his carving compulsions, while trying to rebuild SHIELD, he and Melinda May had tried to build their relationship, on a more personal level that being just friends or partners.

 

The night he had revealed to her about his carving compulsions, they had grown closer. She had taken him to his room to help him get some rest and he had asked her to stay and she did, like always, all he needed to do was ask and she would do that for him. So she had stayed and things had happened between them. It was not a one-time thing that happened in a moment of weakness because next night, even though he didn’t have a carving episode, after he was done with the work in his office; she had followed him to his bunk instead of going back to hers and he did not refuse, because he knew that he needed her there, with him, beside him, she held him to the ground, helped him believe that he was still in the present and everything was real, while his mind continued to betray him. She held him tight during his nightmare assuring him that everything would be all right and he did the same when it was her turn to face the demons of her past.

 

It was like a ritual between them. They hadn’t given a term to what they had between them, it wasn’t friends with benefits, which would be demeaning to the value their relationship shared, he wasn’t sure if it was love, it did feel like it, he not only wanted her in his life but needed her as well, he knew that the time he spent with her was perhaps the only sane and happy part of his life which was currently a mess, yet he was not sure if he could call it love, not just because they hadn’t exactly made any sort of confessions but also because he knew that he was still hiding things from her, keeping secrets from her, secrets that he knew when they would come to light, would alter the current nature of their relationship and maybe not exactly in the way he hoped. He didn’t want to hurt her and he wanted to tell her the truth he had kept, but the fear of losing what they currently had always took over the guilt he felt for hiding things from her.

 

There had been moments when he had felt that she would leave him and not return. She wouldn’t leave SHIELD, she had given to the organisation as much as he had done, but he feared she would leave him. She would finally see that he couldn’t help it, that he would continue to take advantage of her faith in him and she would leave him.

When he had asked her to put a bullet in his head if he went the way of Garret, he could see it in her eyes when she asked him not to make her do that, but he had been stubborn, he needed her to do that for him, and like she always did, she agreed, she would do anything for him and he knew that, but when she had left his office angry, he thought she would not come that night, he waited for her in his bunk and just as he was about to lose hope, he heard the knock on his door followed by her entering his room. She came.

 

When he went into the memory machine to reveal the truth behind those carvings and had injured himself and put his team at risk, he knew how much his actions had hurt her and angered her, he was quite sure that whatever they had between them was over. Yet when she came back to his room that night and held him tight as if her survival depended on being assured that he was still here, still alive, he knew that he did not deserve this amount of trust. His carvings stopped but their ‘relationship’ if it could be called that, continued.

 

When Andrew had come onto the base, he would not admit but he was jealous, not because of the past that she and Andrew had shared but because of the fact that the man could make her laugh, he could make her forget about all the troubles looming over her head. He could be someone Phil couldn’t. The man loved May the way she deserved. He had seen them when they had been together, he had seen how happy May had been when they were dating or even after they got married until Bahrain took away all that from her and even though Phil and May were not ‘dating’ in the conventional sense rather they hadn’t even defined what they had, he couldn’t make her as happy as Andrew had. It’s not that he didn’t want to; he wanted to make sure May was the happiest person on earth, but he knew that he felt that he wasn’t capable of loving her the way she deserved. He kept secrets from her, lied to her and continued to take the advantage of her faith in him. She deserved someone like Andrew, not him. Yet the fear of losing her gripped his heart and he didn’t know how to fight it.

 

At the end of the day, it was always them together whenever they were at the same base. She always came back to him until she didn’t.

It began with the entry of Gonzales and his team, she sent him away to rescue Skye. He was stunned by how much she trusted him even though he already knew, that made him felt guiltier than ever. When he returned back to the base however, he knew things had changed. He saw it in her eyes, the trust and faith that she carried for him had begun to waiver. He realised that she knew about things he had been hiding. The fact that he had brought Ward didn’t help his case either. His doubts were confirmed when he realised Melinda May was now a part of the Gonzales’ board. He had asked her about that, and she had asked him about Theta Protocol, he knew he could tell her everything and things would be fine, but he couldn’t. He was the trust she had for him crumbling when she asked him why he didn’t tell her when he had been meeting Andrew. He saw them losing whatever relationship they had but he didn’t know how to save it. He did what he always had done; he threw the fact that she had a secret line to Fury behind his back at her face. If things had gone bad, he managed to make them worse.

She didn’t come to his bunk that night, she always did, but now she didn’t.

 

He tried to make amends. Apologise at ‘length’ for his actions, but she had told him that they don’t owe each other anything. She walked away.

 

Things went downhill after that. Face off with Inhumans, war with Ward, he lost his hand, everything was a mess and he wanted her by his side. Her absence hurt more than anything. He hoped that they could rebuild their relationship from scratch, that he could admit that he loved her, he wanted to apologise to her and ask for a second chance. When she walked into his office after he was discharged, he was ready to talk, tell her everything. She asked for a leave of absence before he could say anything, said that she wanted to take a break, that she had spoken to Andrew a day before and had decided that she needed a break from SHIELD for a while and he agreed, knowing that while she said SHIELD, she meant him.

 

It hurt, it really did, but it wasn’t that he didn’t expect this coming. He crossed her line of tolerance. He had been given way too many chances by her and he had used up all. He knew that there was a chance that she might not return back. She might put her trust in another person. Someone who did not take her for granted or takes constant advantage of her trust.

 

“She’s not going to come back” he whispered to himself as he stood by the large window of his office glancing outside. She was out there with Andrew and she must’ve been happy. Andrew makes her happy, he doesn’t. It had been 4 months today since she had left and while she had called Skye once in a while to ask if everything was alright, she hadn’t asked for him, not even once. She had asked Skye not to tell him that she had called but the girl couldn’t see his situation, she needed to assure him that May was fine.

 

A knock on his door interrupted his rail of thoughts. 

 

“Not now Koenig” he replied. Since Koenig was the only one on the base currently.

 

“It’s not me”

 

He jerked his head towards the door, if he was shocked to hear the voice; he had made no efforts at hiding it.

 

“Melinda?” he wanted to assure himself that the woman standing at the entrance to his office was her and not a product of his imagination.

 

“You seem surprised. It’s just been 4 months, forgotten me already Coulson?” she asked with a smirk on her face.

 

Oh! How much had he missed that, missed her. She looked good, relaxed. She was wearing a dark purple T-Shirt and Black jeans. He had seen her mostly in her fight gear. It felt good to see her like this. It felt good to see HER.

 

“I was hoping you’d come back” he said walking towards her.

 

“But wasn’t expecting it?”

 

He shook his head. No hiding truth from her, she would see past him easily because he was doing a really poor job at hiding his happiness on seeing her back and because he just didn’t want to hide things from her anymore.

 

Silence engulfed the room; he saw her analysing him, seeing how he looked. He thought that he looked bad, not just the fact that he had a hand missing, but also because he was emotionally and mentally worn down.

 

“You look crap” she said, the smirk back on her face. He gave a short laugh at her frankness.

 

“Yeah and you look amazing” he said. There was still quite some distance between them. He had come to his desk and leaned on it, while she was standing a few feet away from it.

 

“I had a good break” she said shrugging.

 

Yeah he could make that out. She looked fresh, maybe the vacation had done her good, or maybe her company did. Maybe she hadn’t come back; maybe she wanted to tell him that she had decided to leave.

 

“Phil? You ok?” she asked moving towards him.

 

“I .. I .. Why are you here Melinda?” he asked. That wasn’t exactly how he wanted to frame his question but that was what he wanted to know.

 

“You didn’t want me coming back?” she asked, her eyes filled with confusion. She was near enough that he could feel her scent. He could just pull her into him and hug her. He wanted to kiss her, but he really wanted to hug her first.

 

“No .. I mean .. not that I didn’t want you coming back” he explained. “I just .. Where’s Andrew?” He asked.

 

“Andrew?” She looked confused than ever. She was back and he shouldn’t bombard with his weird questions that were a product of his jumbles up emotions.

 

“Yeah, you left with him. I thought you were back together.” Phil replied.

 

“Do you .. Do you want me to get back with Andrew?” she asked him. He knew he needed to be fair for once. He knew she deserved someone like Andrew but he wanted her, he really did, maybe he could be selfish one more time.

 

“I don’t want to sound selfish” He said.

 

She moved closer and rested her palm on his cheek. Her thumb rubbed his cheek as he nestled into it.

 

“Phil, did you want me to get back with Andrew?” she asked a bit more sternly. Now was the time to tell the truth.

 

“No” he breathed out and added “I don’t want you back with Andrew, I want you hear with the team, with SHIELD, with me.”

 

He could see the blank expression on her face and he decided to explain himself better.

 

“But I don’t deserve you Melinda. You deserve someone like Andrew. Someone who makes you laugh and smile. Not someone who betrays your trust and faith” when she was about to respond he stopped her and continued “when you left, I .. I thought..”

 

“What did you think Phil?” Melinda asked. Looking directly into his eyes while her hand now resting on his shoulder.

 

“I thought you had left May, for good. That you had enough of me” He responded. His shoulders sagged.

 

“Phil .. What you did hurt me. It really did, I was hoping that after everything that had happened between us, you trusted me”

 

“I do trust you Melinda .. I just .. I’m sorry..”

 

“I know. I know you’re sorry Phil but that doesn’t change the fact that I was hurt.” she said with a small frown. That hurt. A lot.

 

“The why did you come back May ?” he asked, he needed to know if she was indeed back or this was just her saying goodbye for one last time.

 

“Because I always do Phil. No matter what happens. I will always come back.” she responded looking back at him.

 

“Why? Why do you come back even after I continue to take you for granted?” he asked. Her answer had taken him by surprise.

 

“Because I just do Phil” she said shrugging her shoulder. “I don’t know why or why not. I can’t help it when it comes to you.”

 

He hugged her. He wrapped his arm tightly around her waist and puller her close and nestled his face into her neck.

 

“Thank you” that’s all he could say for everything she had done for him and he knew she would do for him in the future.

 

They held like that for a while. He had missed her so much. When he pulled away he saw the smile on her face.

 

“I don’t deserve you” he said.

 

“You don’t” she replied with a small smile on her face. He smiled back.

 

“You should be with Andrew” he said.

 

“Maybe, but I don’t think his girlfriend would approve” she said with a smirk.

 

“Oh..” is all he could say at the revelation.

 

“And also because I don’t want to be with Andrew, I’m happy where I am” she added.

 

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt you again or not keep secrets from you again” he said.

 

“I know, and still I’m here. I wonder why that is?” she asked raising her eyebrow and faking confusion.

 

He smiled. She was here, for him. She had come back. She always would come back to him.

 

“I love you” he said, looking at her, waiting for her response.

 

He saw as her expression turned into something calm, a smile gracing her face. 

 

“Yeah, I guess that’s the reason” she said, she was teasing him and he knew that. This felt better than ever.

 

“I love you” he said again. He wasn’t going to let go till he heard those words from her. He wanted this with her. He wanted to tell her that he loved her. He wanted to not only spend the nights with her but also wanted chances to kiss her when the team wasn’t looking. He wanted to hold her hand under the table when they had breakfast. He wanted to be with her.

“I love you too Phil” she replied, entwining her fingers with his hand.

 

He gave her the biggest smile that she had seen in a long time. He was happy; he was ecstatic and wasn’t going to hide that from her. Melinda May was back for him, she was here with him. ‘His’ Melinda May.

 

He leaned down as she came up on her tiptoes. He kissed her. It was a familiar kiss yet completely unfamiliar. She moaned at the first press of his tongue against his lips and gladly gave him entry. When their tongues collided, it was like the world had come to a halt. It was just them and no one else.

 

When they finally pulled away for breath, they rested their foreheads against each other.

 

“The team isn’t here” he said a moment after catching his breath.

 

“I noticed” she replied.

 

“It’s dinner time, we could have dinner together” he said.

 

“Ok”

 

“And then we could go to sleep, together” he said a bit hesitating. They hadn’t slept together since they had begun fighting. He didn’t want to risk anything now.

 

“Ok” she replied.

 

“Just sleeping .. You must be tired after the trip” he replied. She was fine sleeping with him again. The last few months hadn’t been easy, he had missed her company.

 

“Sure” she said with a smile and added “I need to go to my bunk once, will join you for dinner” she said and stood on tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips.

 

He nodded and let go of her. She paused at the door at turned around.

 

“Phil?”

 

He looked up at her.

 

“I’m not that tired though” she replied with a smirk and left the room.

 

Phil stood there smiling. She had come back, she always would. He knew he couldn’t help but take her for granted. That’s how the nature of their relationship had always been, but he would try his best not to hurt her more. He loved her and she loved him. He was happy.


End file.
